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Monday, June 14, 2010

Sunday, June 13, 2010


House-ism (haus - iz-em)
n. The distinct doctrine, cause, or theory of Dr. Gregory House.

And here are some of my favorite House-isms

"Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it."
-House - Pilot (Everybody Lies) Season 1 Episode 1

"Perseverance does not equal worthiness."
-House - Paternity Season 1 Episode 2

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?"
-Cameron - Occam's Razor Season 1 Episode 3

"This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger."
-House - Maternity Season 1 Episode 4

Favorite George Carlin Jokes

"Here's another question I have. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that we passed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? ‘Cause chickens are decent people. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No, you don't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? When's the last chicken you heard about come home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn't happen, 'cause chickens are decent people."

- "Abortion" Back in Town (1996)

"What is all this shit about Angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people now, believe in Angels. What're you, fuckin' stupid? Has everybody lost their fuckin' minds in this country? Angels, shit. You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive collective psychotic chemical flashback of all the drugs. All the drugs, smoked, swallowed, snorted, shot, and absorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of adulterated street drugs'll get you some fuckin' Angels, my friend."

- "Angels" You Are All Diseased (1999)

"Angels, shit. What about goblins? What about goblins, huh? Doesn't anybody believe in goblins? You never hear about them except on Halloween and it's always negative shit too, you know. And Zombies. Where the fuck are all the Zombies? That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable. I say if you're gonna buy the Angels shit, you might go with the Zombie package as well."

- "Angels" You Are All Diseased (1999)

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

'Everybody Lies.'
- House M.D.

'Lies are a tool - they can be used either for good or- no, wait, I've got a better one: Lies are like children: hard work, but they're worth it because the future depends on them.'
- House M.D.

'It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for.'
- House M.D.

'There's a reason that everybody lies: it works. It's what allows society to function. It's what separates man from beast.'
- House M.D.

'You want to know how two chemicals interact. Do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.'
- House M.D.

'The most hurtful kind of lies are the ones delivered by the people you care about the most. It makes you doubt everything you know and makes you wonder why you care so much. And worse of all, it puts you in the position of deciding whether to tell them you know they're lying or act like you're too dull to even know the difference. Keep this in mind the next time you lie to someone who cares about you. Because often than not, they know and it hurts alot.'
- Grey's Anatomy

'Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster.'
Panic at the Disco

Teh Futile Pursuit of Happiness

And a Man sat alone, drenched deep in sadness.
And all the animals drew near to him and said,
"We do not like to see you so sad.
Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it."
The Man said, "I want to have good sight."
The vulture replied, "You shall have mine."
The Man said, "I want to be strong."
The jaguar said, "You shall be strong like me."
Then the Man said, "I long to know the secrets of the earth."
The serpent replied, "I will show them to you."
And so it went with all the animals.
And when the Man had all the gifts that they could give, he left.
Then the owl said to the other animals,
"Now the Man knows much, he'll be able to do many things.
Suddenly I am afraid."
The deer said, "The Man has all that he needs. Now his sadness will stop."
But the owl replied,
"No. I saw a hole in the Man,
deep like a hunger he will never fill.
It is what makes him sad and what makes him want.
He will go on taking and taking,
until one day the World will say,
'I am no more and I have nothing left to give."
Apocalypto (2006)

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