n. The distinct doctrine, cause, or theory of Dr. Gregory House.
(source:http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=house-ism)
And here are some of my favorite House-isms
"Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it."
-House - Pilot (Everybody Lies) Season 1 Episode 1
"Perseverance does not equal worthiness."
-House - Paternity Season 1 Episode 2
"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy, and if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?"
-Cameron - Occam's Razor Season 1 Episode 3
"This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Oh, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger."
-House - Maternity Season 1 Episode 4
"You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways."
-House - Damned If You Do Season 1 Episode 5
"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."
-House - Damned If You Do Season 1 Episode 5
"I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do."
-House - Fidelity Season 1 Episode 7
"...there's no I in 'team'. There is a me, though, if you jumble it up."
-House - DNR Season 1 Episode 7
"I don't hate him. I loved him until I figured out it hurts a lot less to just not care. You don't expect him to turn up to your football match? No disappointments. You don't expect a call on your birthday, don't expect to see him for months? No disappointments. You want us to go make up? Sink a few beers together, nice family hug? I've given him enough hugs. He's given me enough disappointments."
-Chase [about his father] - Cursed Season 1 Episode 13
"People like talking about people. Makes us feel superior. Makes us feel in control. And sometimes, for some people, knowing some things makes them care."
-House - Cursed Season 1 Episode 13
"You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat."
-House - Cursed Season 1 Episode 13
"Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you've been a big help."
-House - Mob Rules Season 1 Episode 15
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- Dr: Cameron: Do you know why people believe in God?
- Dr. House: I thought you didn't believe in God.
- Dr. Cameron: I don't.
- Dr. House: Well then, you'd better be making a very good point.
- Dr. Cameron: Do you think they pray to Him and praise Him because they want Him to know how great He is? God already knows that.
- Dr. House: Are you ... comparing me to God? I mean, that's great, but just so you know, I've never made a tree.
- Dr. Cameron: I thank you because it means something to me. To be grateful for what I receive.
- Dr. House: You are the most naive atheist I've ever met.... People pray so that God won't crush them like bugs. I'm not gonna crush you.
- -Role Model Season 1 Episode 17
-House [to a black Senator running for President] Role Model Season 1 Episode 17
"Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it."
-House - Role Model Season 1 Episode 17
"Nonconformity; right... I can't remember the last time saw a twenty something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker! You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut. Like the Asian kids that don't leave the library for a twenty hours stretch. They're the ones that don't care what you think."
-House - Kids Season 1 Episode 19
"The eyes can mislead, a smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth."
-House - Kids Season 1 Episode 19
"I'm sure this goes against everything you've been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don't know what the right answer is, maybe there's even no way you could know what the right answer is, doesn't make your answer right or even okay. It's much simpler than that. It's just plain wrong."
-House - Three Stories Season 1 Episode 21
"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for."
-House - Three Stories Season 1 Episode 21
"It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach."
-House - Three Stories Season 1 Episode 21
"If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything."
-House - Honeymoon Season 1 Episode 22
" Good question. What makes a person deserving? Is a man who cheats on his wife more deserving than a man who kills his wife? What about a child molester? Certainly not a good guy, but he didn't kill anybody. Maybe he can get antibiotics, but no MRIs. What about you? What medical care should you be denied for being a car thief? Tell you what: the three of you work out a list of what medical treatments a person loses based on the crime they committed. I'll review it when I get back."
-House - Acceptance Season 2 Episode 1
"There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function."
-House - TB or not TB Season 2 Episode 4
"Do you notice how all the self-sacrificing women in history; Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, can't think of any others; they all die alone. The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz, it's crazy."
-House - TB or not TB Season 2 Episode 4
----
- Dr. House: You are healed. [sticks the patient in the thigh] Rise and walk.
- Patient: Are you insane?
- Dr. House: In the Bible, they just say, "Yes, Lord" and start on in with the praising.
- [Patient protests but regains feeling and gets up]
- Patient: What did you do?
- Dr. House: What did you do, Lord?
----
- [Dr. House is with Stacy in her house when Mark enters the room.]
- Mark: What's going on?
- Dr. House: It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes, but actually, we're having sex.
- -Hunting Season 2 Episode 7
"He thought he was dying. Dying people lie, too. Wish they'd worked less, they'd been nicer, they'd opened orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it, you don't save it for sound byte."
-House - Hunting Season 2 Episode 7
"Hey hey hey, we're not here to play the blame game. These things happen. Sometimes doctors send people out on the street to die after other doctors warned them that they were sending them out on the street to die. There's no way you could know."
-House - Deception Season 2 Episode 9
"You've got male pseudo-hermaphroditism. See, we all start out as girls, and then we're differentiated based on our genes. The ovaries develop into testes and drop. But in about one in 150 thousand pregnancies, a fetus with an 'XY' chromosome, a boy, develops into something else, like you; your testes never descended. Because you're immune to testosterone, you're pure estrogen, which is why you had heightened female characteristics—clear skin, great breasts. The ultimate woman is a man. Nature is cruel, huh?"
-House - Skin Deep Season 2 Episode 13
"You do realize that the point of metaphors is to scare people from doing things by telling them that something much scarier is going to happen, than what will really happen? God, I wish I had a metaphor to explain that better."
-House - All In Season 2 Episode 17
----
- Boyd: God says you look for excuses to be alone.
- Dr. House: See, that is exactly the kind of brilliance that sounds deep, but you could say it about any person who doesn't pine for the social approval of everyone he meets - which you were cleverly able to deduce about me by not being a moron. Next time, tell God to be more specific.
- -House vs God Season 2 Episode 19
"You know it's all nice when people start to dig these holes, but then they start to live in these holes and get angry when someone pushes dirt into those holes. Come out of your holes people!!!"
-House - House vs God Season 2 Episode 19
----
- [House talks to Concerned Mom who thinks that her daughter has epilepsy]
- Dr. House: In actuality all your little girl is doing is... saying yoo hoo to the hoo hoo.
- Concerned Mom: She's what?
- Dr. House: Marching the penguin... ya ya-ing the sisterhood... finding Nemo?
- Little Girl Patient: [giggles] That was funny.
- Dr. House: It's called gratification disorder, sort of a misnomer. If one was unable to gratify oneself, that would be a disorder.
- Concerned Mom:[covering little girl's ears] Are you saying she's masturbating?
- Dr. House: [making fun of the mother by talking out of the corner of his mouth so the little girl supposedly won't see that he's talking] I was trying to be discreet. There's a child in the room.
- -Euphoria part 2 Season 2 Episode 21
"You pretend to buck the system, pretend to be a rebel, claim to hate rules. But all you do is substitute your own rules for society's. Now it's a nice, simple rule— tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way. And what will be, will be. And what will be, should be. And everyone else... is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly not to call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful, or polite just because it's nice. They do it... because they've got an ounce of humility. Because they know that they will make mistakes, and they know that their actions have consequences. And they know... that those consequences will be their fault. Why do you want so badly not to be human, House? Oh, he's awake."
-Jack Moriarty (guy who shot House) - No Reason Season 2 Episode 24
----
- Moriarty: You think that the only truth that matters is that truth can be measured. Good intentions don't count. What's in your heart doesn't count. Caring doesn't count. But a man's life can be measured by how many tears are shed when he dies. Just because you can't measure them— just because you don't wanna measure them, doesn't mean it's not real.
- Dr. House: [staring at board] That does not make sense...
- Moriarty: And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable. Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return? No. You believe that there is no purpose. To anything. Even the lives you save you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life and you taint it, strip it of all meaning. You're miserable for nothing. And I don't know why you'd wanna live.
- Dr. House: [turns to Moriarty with a tear in his eye] I'm sorry.
----
- Dr. Wilson: You don't want a healthy leg.
- Dr. House: Ohh, here we go.
- Dr. Wilson: If you've got a good life, if you're healthy, you've got no reason to bitch; no reason to hate life.
- Dr. House: Well here's the flaw in your argument. If I enjoy hating life I don't hate life, I enjoy it.
- Dr. Wilson: I didn't say it was rational. HIV testing is 99% accurate, which means there are some people who test positive who live with their own impending doom for months or years before finding out everything is okay. Weirdly, most of them don't react with happiness or even anger - they get depressed. Not because they wanted to die but because they've defined themselves by their disease. Suddenly, what made them, them, isn't real.
- Dr. House: I don't define myself by my leg.
- Dr. Wilson: No-o, you have taken it one step further. The only way you could come to terms with your disability was to somehow make it mean nothing. So you had to redefine everything. You have dismissed anything physical. Anything not coldly, calculatingly intellectual.
"Don't go towards the light. You'll fall and break your hip"
-House - Informed Consent Season 3 Episode 3
"See, skinny, socially-privileged white people get to draw this neat little circle. And everyone inside the circle is "normal". Anyone outside the circle needs to be beaten, broken and reset so that they can be brought into the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized. Or even worse - Pitied."
-House - Lines in the Sand Season 3 Episode 4
"Why would you feel sorry for someone that gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities which are utterly meaningless, insincere and therefore degrading? This kid doesn't have to pretend to be interested in your back pain, your secretions or your grandma's itchy place. Imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind numbing social niceties. I don't pity this kid - I envy him."
-House [about an autistic kid] - Lines in the Sand Season 3 Episode 4
"When I was 14, my father was stationed in Japan. I went rock climbing with this kid from school. He fell and got injured, and I had to bring him to the hospital. We came in through the wrong entrance, and passed this guy in the hall. He was a janitor. My friend came down with an infection, and the doctors didn't know what to do. So they brought in the janitor. He was a doctor. And a Buraku - one of Japan's untouchables. His ancestors had been slaughterers, gravediggers. And this guy knew that he wasn't accepted by the staff, didn't even try. He didn't dress well. He didn't pretend to be one of them. People around that place didn't think he had anything they wanted, except when they needed him - because he was right, which meant that nothing else mattered. And they had to listen to him."
-House - Son of Coma Guy Season 3 Episode 7
"What's this? It says Ip-od."
-Coma Guy - Son of Coma Guy Season 3 Episode 7
"He's teaching prepubescent kids that truth matters, God doesn't, and life sucks. I like him."
-House - Whack a Mole Season 3 Episode 8
"RIGHT! She's SIX! She's CUTE! She CAN'T have flesh-eating bacteria! It's just WRONG! Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies! Cute kids die to terrible illnesses! Innocent doctors go to jail! It's because COWARDS like you won't stand up and do what's required! You can sit around and moan about who's the bigger weakling, and I'm gonna' do my job."
-House - Finding Judas Season 3 Episode 9
"I need 30 pieces of Silver"
-Wilson - Finding Judas Season 3 Episode 9
----
- Dr. House: [after looking up the patient's nose] It's beautiful! If my lawn was half as well maintained as that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to poop on it.
- Patient: Good grooming is important.
- Dr. House: Is that a shot?
- Patient: People do judge you on your appearance. When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed and you hadn't shaved in quite some time. I extracted that you were a person for whom detail is not a major concern. I was worried you might apply the same standard in your work.
- Dr. House: You use toe-nail clippers up there?
- Patient: They're longer, so they allow me to better reach the upper hairs.
- Dr. House: I am wearing a rumpled shirt, and I forgot to brush my hair this week. You've got athlete's foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.
----
- Dr. House: Start counting.
- [The patient takes his pulse]
- Dr. House: How many?
- Patient: 26.
- Dr. House: Either you suck at math, or you're going to die in two seconds.
- [A moment passes, and nothing happens]
- Dr. House: You suck at math.
----
- Dr. House: How old are you?
- Patient: Thirty.
- Dr. House: And you've never seen an after school special? Dawson's Creek? How do you get to thirty and not know about condoms?
- Patient: Oh, God, I-I have an STD.
- Dr. House: No, but you will. Every person with an STD has something in common: They got it while they had SWS; "sex while stupid."
----
- Doctor: He swallowed a magnet. We gotta cut it out.
- Dr. House: [to the kid] How old are you?
- Kid: Eight.
- Dr. House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge. Darwin says "let him die".
----
- Eve: Abortion is murder.
- Dr. House: True. It's a life and you should end it.
- Eve: Every life is sacred.
- Dr. House: Come on. Talk to me. Don't quote me bumper stickers.
- Eve: It's true.
- Dr. House: It's meaningless.
- Eve: It means that every life matters to God.
- Dr. House: Not to me. Not to you. Judging by the number of natural disasters, not to God either.
"We are selfish-based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil."
-House - One Day, One Room Season 3 Episode 12
"If we were to care about every person suffering on this planet, life would shut down."
-House - One Day, One Room Season 3 Episode 12
"My will may be weak, but my backbone is strong. And pain-free, now that I've stopped using the cane. Of course it's harder to look down Cuddy's shirt, but then the vantage point on her ass has much improved. But that's just me: Always looking on the bright side. I'm the guy who said her C-cups are half-full"
-House [sitting in a wheelchair] - Needle in a Haystack Season 3 Episode 13
----
- Dr. Cuddy: Do you like me, House? [pause] I was on the phone with Bennett fifteen minutes ago. His cell phone's working. Your MO is to avoid me at all costs. And suddenly, you need my input on every move you make. I can only assume it's because I'm on a date.
- Dr. House: When we met, I noticed-
- Dr. Cuddy: [interrupts] You noticed he was a Shriner because the way he parted his hair. You noticed he was a mama's boy because of the way he blinked his left eye. I'm not interested. I'm not impressed. There are only two reasons anyone would want to screw with me tonight. Either they're an altruistic, decent person who is worried about my well being... or they want me for themself.
- Dr. House: You left out the third option. Evil bastard who just wants to mess with other people's happiness.
- [Cuddy smiles]
- Dr. Cuddy: Good night, House.
- [she closes the door]
"People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is."
-Foreman - Insensitive Season 3 Episode 14
"Mom's body is like…the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. She gets pregnant, it's like…a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things. Bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews…"
-House - Fetal Position Season 3 Episode 15
"You test drive a car before you buy it; you have sex before marriage. I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?"
-House - Alone Season 4 Episode 1
"I check this little box and your new roommates are Jesus and Crazy McLoonybin."
-House - 97 Seconds Season 4 Episode 3
----
- Dr. House: HEY WILSON! I'M GOING TO CUT A CRIPPLE'S EYE OUT! WANNA WATCH?!
- [Dr. Wilson opens his door and looks at Cuddy and House]
- Dr. Wilson: Good Times.
Para makarelate naman kayo, here are some videos from youTube- -
sources:
- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/House
- http://www.housemd-guide.com/characters/houserules.php
- http://www.housemdquotes.com/
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